Rebel's Poems

As We All Shall Become

2011-08-02T14:40:00.000-09:00

I came through
The night
Carried on a breeze
As whimsical
As a whisper

Shush...

Something quiet

That never lets you get

Carried away with yourself

Listening to the light

Shining down

Upon us

Copious rays

As coherent

And melodious

Masterfully poignant

You may never manifest your destiny

Even as devout as you are in faith

Candles alight

In your Heaven

An angel's delight

On Earth

As guarded as we may be

We still cannot

Persuade ourselves

Always that

We are not to blame

The guilt as hot as a burning flame

The truth could turn us

All into dust

As we all shall

Become

Does Not End

2011-08-02T14:29:00.000-09:00

Let us grasp
Infinite knowledge
For our own; and
Everyone else's
Sake

Judicial judgement
Oppression of the oppressed
Under the
Reign of
Nobelmen
Empires
Yet to be

Divided
On the outstretch of the
Eternal beyond
Semblence in and of itself

Namely
On the chief
Tyranicality

Employing
Never reached
Destinations

Pillow Fight

2011-08-02T14:24:00.000-09:00

Feathers fly off
From pillows flung
Into the air
I remember days
Such as though
Only memories I chose
To close off
And shove to the back
The deepest channels
Of my mind
Because I always knew
That those memories
Were never mine to keep

Faith Illuminates

2011-07-08T12:20:00.000-09:00

A dream came to me
Finding me in the night under a sheet of pity
I sank into the dream as it carried me away
To a place I felt save
And loved
A feeling so brandnew
I wish it had been true
Since then I've been blue
Wondering what to do

To a place as soft as silk
To a place as white as milk
To a place I'd rather stay and never leave
To a place you would never believe
Even if I told you of roses and daisies
You'd say I was crazy
A place I'd love to live
So lucky heaven did give
Me a glimpse beyond the gates
Nothing like faith illuminates

Why Is It Me?

2011-07-08T12:11:00.000-09:00

When you think
That I'm staring off into space
I'm thinking
About space itself

How space and time interlock
How there is silence due
To ba failure to talk

And why is it me that they mock?
Because they will do anything
To make it harder
To readjust
Doesn't it disgust; you
That there is nobody for you
To trust?
But pushing it down seems to be a must
You back you will bust
From bending over backwards
Yet they all want more
To settle the score
I might just give them all
What they've been pushing for

Last Choice

2011-07-08T12:04:00.000-09:00

If I was a stone falling from your grasp
As you were holding on
For dear life
Would you reach out for me?

If I were a tall
Refreshing glass of water
As you were dying of thirst in the desert
Would you take a sip from me?

If I were your last choice
Would you choose me?

If my heart was the last heart
Would you take it?
Or would you break it?

Hard knocks
Any way you shake it

I Want To Belong

2011-03-14T08:17:00.000-09:00

If only it

Were as easy
As it is for everyone else
Nobody is
Talking to me

Telling me
Obvious facts

Beliefs are not far from
Evidence
Long since presented itself
Oblivious to the way
Non-inclusion is
Going to make me feel

Struck By You

2011-03-14T08:12:00.000-09:00

Stars fall
To the ground
'Round your feet
Universes
Collapse
Killing time and possibilities

Baring
Youth and optimism

Yearning
Over millions of years to
Usurp your power

Do Not

2011-03-14T08:08:00.003-09:00

Don't think you are so
Optimal

Nobody is as perfect as you think you are
Oblivious
To the truth

Money holds little value to you
Esthetic
Simply pathetic
Some things represent the ugliness inside us all

Where would you be without plastic
In inches of hot water you scream
Take it above your
Head

Maybe you'd know how it felt
Everyone left me to drown

Watermelon

2011-03-14T08:00:00.000-09:00

Where would I be without the
Absolute sweetness?
Taste that takes you away
Even over mountain
Ranges
Making my mouth water
Ever so much
Let me be caught with sticky hands
Only thinking of why
Not to swallow the seeds

In Your Hands

2011-03-07T04:43:00.000-09:00

I don't believe in bottomless
There has to be an ending
There is no continual continuance
Transpired, expired
Dementedly desired
You've been hired
Just to be fired
You know I'm tired
I've played this game
So many times
If only I had dimes
For all the times
I fell for no real reason
Just because of the season
In my heart
The ice was melting
In my heart
I was melting
In your hands
Hands that may never
Touch me again

Suddenly Shameless

2011-03-07T04:34:00.000-09:00

Carve a link into my soul
Sculpting clay
You made me that way
Soft and shapeless
Suddenly shameless
I know why you are still looking
They all do
I could have told you that
A long time ago
Because they are never satisfied
If they find one good thing
They ruin it
As though it never meant a thing
And really, things like this are meaningless
In times like these
Dreams don't seem to matter
If they did, they'd come true
They wouldn't leave you
With a broken heart

I Am Finished Waiting

2011-03-07T04:26:00.000-09:00

I kept telling myself that it

Always repeats itself
Mornings like this

Feeling like
I am
Never going to find the only thing
I ever wanted
So simple that it is
Heaven seems to hate me
Even disowns me
Drowning like a stone in a lake

Waiting to resurface
All the time thinking it will take too long
I am valuable? Am I not?
There might be other girls
I am different
Nobody should be
Going against all odds in love

What They Really Want

2011-03-07T04:19:00.000-09:00

How effecting it was at the time
To think it was sublime
Hoping that it was something
Good this time
Forgetting how it felt the last time
Forgetting why I cannot trust
Forgetting why I must
Not give my heart away
Until I know
That I won't just be let go
Because I know
That there are far too many
Possibilities
Probabilities
And I know
That often men do not know
What they really want

The Powers of the Mind

2011-02-28T01:33:00.000-09:00

Take it apart
Holding up the pieces for
Everyone to see

Putting them together
Only you can do that for yourself
When you know the time is right
Eventually that time will come
Right when you least
Suspect it

Of course....
Finding yourself is never easy

Take it from those who
Heed not their own advice
Ever wondering why they crash so

Mindlessly
Into their own traps
Never
Discovering that they set them for themselves

Rushing Past

2011-02-28T01:20:00.000-09:00

Riptides
Ushering you to fall back
Submit to
Huge waves
Inviting you to
Nostalgically
Give in

Palpable
Angst
Stirring those things deep within
Telling you

That Heaven's not ready
Hell can't be bothered
Evenings are for the

Weak at heart
Alcoves are for
Venturers
Enveloping
Secrets

Out there; somewhere
Feeling around in the dark

Groping for possibilities
Ultimate
Intelligence
Letting lights filter in
Through broken windows

I Miss That Feeling

2011-02-28T01:07:00.000-09:00

I think of it too

Much; for my own good
I really
Should
Stay away from

Those thoughts that
Haunt me
All night long
Taking away my ability to sleep

For weeks on
End
Ending in restless nights
Laying awake
In my bed
Not knowing how to
Go back to sleep

Death & Defiance

2011-02-27T01:56:00.002-09:00

You hold me back
And I want to RUN!
Past the markers of the dead
To something I saw in a dream
Like something living
Caught between
Death and defiance
Craving the release
Yet resentful
Of being gone and it meaning
That things are so much easier
Rejection meaning nothing
Something I can shake off
And laugh at
If there is any reason
To laugh at all

Stark Naked

2011-02-27T01:52:00.002-09:00

Standing at the door
Stark naked
Long enough to retrieve
The newspaper
Beauty as limp
As a wet towel
Not encasing you
Any longer
Power so early in the morning
Knowing nobody will see you
If they do
Will they pretend not to?

Liberation

2011-02-27T01:51:00.002-09:00

Liberation caught me
At the fold of not knowing
What I wanted from you
What you wanted from me
Sometimes I think it's destiny
That plays such cruel jokes on us
In the guise of teaching us
Valuable lessons
Vision always better in hindsight
What we think is right
At the moment;
Bright fading into light
Losing us in the dark of night

Broken Promises

2011-02-22T12:22:00.002-09:00

That shard of hope
That it had been
Dashed like any other 'has been'
I really should have known better
To tease a dragon with a plastic sword
I may as well be dressed in a paper bag
The kind you hide a liquor bottle in
And pretend you're not drinking hooch
Down by the river
It was nice while it lasted
The bottle is empty
Hang the bottles by ropes
To the branches of the tree
Sometimes they break each other
Depending on the strength of the wind
The shards of broken glass
Not unlike the shards of broken dreams
Broken promises
Seeping out the seams
You never promised me anything
I promised myself I wouldn't try anymore
Now I'm trying to promise myself not to cry anymore
I saw the look in your eyes
Only for a moment
I knew it was all for nothing
Not all or nothing
Just nothing

Life Like a Fountain

2011-02-20T01:29:00.000-09:00

Living your life like a fountain
Spurting with joy
Youth and vitality
Preciousness ever flowing
Continue growing
In darkness glowing
All the while knowing
The secrets emanating from the minds
Of all kinds
Of people passing through
The park you dominate
Permanently affixed
Bonded without a choice

Preventive Measure

2011-02-20T01:12:00.001-09:00

I used to pretend so much
That part of me
Still wants to believe
What I made up
So long ago

It was a preventive measure
A way to protect myself
From any hurt to my heart
It worked for the longest time

Why didn't I keep this close to my heart?
Was it because I knew that it wasn't real?
Did I just want to feel?
Did I want to know that I was not made of steel?

Could have been that I simply
Could not stand to lie to myself
Any longer
It made me weak
Not stronger

The Canyon of My Mind

2011-02-20T01:03:00.000-09:00

Thoughts more than enough to fill it
Heavy with
Emotional events

Can't describe to
Anyone
Nobody would understand things
You don't want to hear about
Onslaughts of
Negative forces

Optimism
Forgetting how to

Make its way through
You can often

Miss seeing something shining so
Indescribably brightly
Nobody can see past
Delirium

Distinguish Motives

2011-02-19T12:54:00.000-09:00

We both have some thinking to do
I know that I can't make
Your mind up for you
I can't provide a solid reason
For why we do what we do
It's more of a clue
That we ought to use
To decifer
To distinguish motives
From mysteries
I don't want this to end badly
I know why you are unsure
If you want me
Or not
I'm starting to accept things
I don't think it was a mistake
It was a chance I was willing to take
Your heart I couldn't break

The Silliest Things

2011-02-18T00:05:00.000-09:00

I listen to the same songs
On the same station
Do they ever get tired
Of playing the same songs?
Of being in love?
Of the silliest things
I've ever heard
Put into lyrics
You have me in hysterics
Just thinking that you said
You're willing to take the bet
That you joked about googling it:
"Snail sex is the most pleasurable
In the Animal Kingdom"
You said they don't have feelings...
But you don't know their dealings

Did You Mean It?

2011-02-18T00:01:00.000-09:00

What if you meant to?
What if it was more than just
A spur of the moment?
What if you thought about it
A thousand times...
Only got just the one opportunity
But I'm not saying it wasn't... Nice
I'm not saying my heart is made of ice
I'm not saying I had to think twice
I'm saying it would be better
If you meant to
If you thought about it
More than a thousand times
Especially afterwards

Daisy Chain

2011-02-17T23:56:00.000-09:00

Rest against that place
Soft, yet solid
A stable base
I could kiss your face
Kisses you can't erase
Once they've been planted
They are the seeds that grow
That blossom into more than you know
Plucking the soft white petals
He loves me... He loves me not!
Remember the forget-me-not?
Tying a stem into a knot
Chain of daisies
A million days like these

Memories We Hold Onto

2011-02-13T19:43:00.000-09:00

If I continue down this path
I might not be able to find my way back
If I happen to go down the wrong path
Not knowing one from another
They both look the same at the start
Until traveling on one the skies become dark
I remember being in that park
With the smell of river water in the air
Thinking then that certain places would always be there
Thinking then that certain faces would always be there
Even just changing over time
As we all do on the outside
Is it our pride that prevents us from doing?
That prevents us from reaching?
Memories we hold onto are the ones that
Made us the most comfortable
While remembering

Yesterday Did Not Come

2011-02-13T19:27:00.001-09:00

You said it wasn't possible
Even though it
Still happened
There was not a yesterday
Everyone just skipped
Right into the next
Day
All we wanted was a
Yesterday

Don't think skipping a day
Is such a big
Deal

Nobody said they were afraid
Of facing
Transitions

Could it be that we are?
Omissions
Meaning that
Everything is coming to an end?

The Hidden Side

2011-02-06T17:54:00.001-09:00

The more I sought him
He eluded me
Evicting all hope

Hoping has a way of driving a person
INSANE!
Dreading the lonely nights
Dark, damp, cold
Enough to go right though you
Nobody will ever

See what I have
Inside of me
Depth of my soul
Every emotion

Of my very being
Few can even say they've got the mystery solved

Maybe there are only a few things that will
Even it all out

I Must Wait

2011-01-30T00:07:00.000-09:00

If I had to wait

Millions of years
Unreasonable
Serious
Travesty

Waiting for the
Actual awakening
It only happens when it's
Time

I Try Not to Look at You

2011-01-30T00:01:00.000-09:00

I find it hard not

To just
Run right over to
You

Not caring what
Others might
Think

To be if
Only it could

Laughing it
Off; makes it easier to cope
Optimism is
Knowledge based

All
That I can hope for is that

You can eventually
Open your eyes to
Us uniting the way I want to

Deeper is the Deepest

2011-01-29T23:49:00.001-09:00

Dedication crossed my mind
Earlier on
Entertained my thoughts
Provoked my interest
Early on the outset
Rarely do

I let it affect me
So much

This could be the last time
Hoping the dream would never come to an
Ending

Denial is not doing me any good
Eventually driving me crazy
Emotions I've had to keep inside
Pandora's box
Eclipses over the
Sun
Telling us not to look directly at it, but the temptation is so great

Make No Promises

2011-01-27T21:47:00.001-09:00

May you
Anticipate
Knowing
Everyone has a price to pay

Never
Opting for an equivalency

Push it past the interior
Reasons
Or
Motives
It's all the
Same
Everybody
Says things they don't mean

Look at Yourself

2011-01-27T21:35:00.000-09:00

Leary eyes
Open to the world around her
Oblivious to what everyone thinks she ought to
Know

Attempts to reach her
Take you to a place far removed

You could get lost in words
Or she could get lost in you
Usher her back to where she belongs
Respectfully refuse her advances
Showing much respect makes it
Easier to establish a trust that
Lasts
Forever

How Many Things?

2011-01-27T21:29:00.000-09:00

How I tried to send
Obvious messages
Without you cluing in

Maybe you think
A tomboy like me might
Not have desire for
You

Think again
How many times I tried
Interest just
Not there
Grand
Scale

Clouded judgement
Only I could be a fool for
Ultimately
Looking in the wrong direction
Denying you happiness if you look elsewhere

Invested as you are in someone else

Holding back so much
Always hurt
Voids equally
Expanding

Storing it
Always
Inside
Depending on the strength I've got

Tales From Another Broken Heart

2011-01-27T21:18:00.000-09:00

Taste the bitter and the sweet
All too real on your
Lips
Evades your
Spirit

Frost bitten
Removed
Overcoat and
Mittens

Accomodating
Neither friend
Or foe
The enemy has the powel to
Heal as well as to hurt
Every word spoken
Remove me from the dirt

Broken bones hurt less
Reset bones hurt less
On occassion I feel anything at all
Knowing that there should be
Emotion
Never knowing where it was

Hope could be there
Early
As it is
Recoil and avoid
Telling yourself the truth

Spilling My Heart Out

2011-01-25T23:27:00.000-09:00

Some things I don't know how to say
Perhaps I've tried a few times
I can only get messages across if you
Listen to the words I use
Listen to the way the words go together
In between the lines there's something else
Nobody ever gets it
Gone when the next sentence is spoken

Maybe I wanted to say something
You were always there

Hoping that you figure out
Exactly what is coming next
An anticipated antiquation
Rendering amortization
Turnification

Ousted like the hider that you are
Underneath blankets doesn't count as a hiding place
Thought you'd find something a little less obvious

Timidity
Obsenely abstruce

You know and I know that you know
Only you could
Understand

Pouring Cement

2011-01-25T22:58:00.000-09:00

I mixed it with my own hands
Stiring dust into water
A thick paste to harden
Concealing what needs to be concealed
Providing the foundation
For some structure to have existence
Wasn't that the way?
Back in the day
That they built things to last?

Colision

2011-01-25T22:54:00.000-09:00

I've come to accept it because it is what it is
Something I cannot change
Accept what cannot be changed
Rearranged like a roar of thunder
air coliding with air
Colision causing the clap
Is that what you want as a warning?
Should I clap my hands as hard as I can?
To simulate the colision of us butting heads?
To demonstrate the power of locking horns?
To show you that when you push
I push back
At the exact same force
Colision is a challenge being met

Washing my Hands

2011-01-22T16:49:00.000-09:00

A little too forward
Like just about stepping off the ledge
You won't find me hanging there
Even though I've been there; before
You couldn't imagine some of the things
The things I never told you
Maybe you were the first one to say something
Or the only one who took an interest in me
But I don't need your hands; all over me
That makes me want to wash my hands; of you

My Dark Tower

2011-01-22T16:12:00.000-09:00

What would I have done if I had the chance?
What am I doing blowing the chances I still have?
Maybe if I was drawn to that one essential thing
It would be way easier to tell that what I feel
In the pit of my stomach is a warning not to be ignored
If you think you cannot get away with what you think you must do
Then is it really worth the effort you exude?
Yes! You wouldn't even think twice, refusal would be rude
Yet I have to refuse on a basis of regularity
Despite it does nothing for my popularity
I just don't think vulgarity
Has a place in life for me
Does this mean that I have to retreat?
Away in my dark tower
Where I can look down from above upon the hour
Watching a seed sprout a flower
Locked inside itself, the power
To make something of beauty exist

I Dream of You

2011-01-10T08:38:00.000-09:00

It's funny how we met

During that time of my life
Rethinking
Everything
And there you were
Miraculously

Only wishes
From far away

You are sleeping while I'm asleep
Open hearts
Underneath warm blankets with thoughts of you

The Same Effect

2011-01-05T06:48:00.000-09:00

Listen or you won't hear it
The sound of fear
Afraid of feeling nothing
That type of silence
Speaks volumes

Sneaking suspicions
Or gut feeling
Call it what you want
It's still going to have
The same effect
Even if you applied it backwards
Ommit something all together
Just because it didn't mean
Anything to you
Doesn't mean it meant
Nothing to me
But now it means even less
Than nothing
It may as well have
Never have
Happened

All Wrapped Up

2011-01-05T06:44:00.000-09:00

At the end of the day
Laying awake
Listening to the traffic

Wrestling with my thoughts
Running around corners
And running into myself
Pedal pusher
Poison ivy
Eager to
Dust myself off

Underneath I'm more
Perplexed

We Hear You

2011-01-05T06:36:00.000-09:00

Worry enabling weariness
Eventually closing your eyes

Hope is such a distant dream
Especially now
Awaken to face another day
Ripe with grief

You're supposed to be holding
On; ever so tightly
Unable to let go

Supposed to know when to
Cash in all your chips
Rescuing a remedy
Entertaining the thought of
Another
Morning approaching
Into your life; the sun shines
Never going anywhere
Good things never last

Juggle Your Juice

2011-01-01T02:13:00.000-09:00

Just because
Urges compel you
Going down
Graciousness out of the question
Little girls are afraid
Even women are afraid

You can come after us
On your trips with hormones
Urging you to invite me
Respect me; all I ask

Just because I'm here
Until I think
It is time to leave
Closets never seemed smaller
Especially in the dark

Too Close To The Fire

2011-01-01T02:07:00.000-09:00

Sparks seen flying from fires
Take a licking from the flames
Anyone could have been here
Nobody needs to risk it
Diving
Into
Nitro
Going up in flames

Thank you for holding my hand
Only you could have put me at ease
Only you could have made me believe

Clouds would not dare block the sun
Laying there
Only a storm could
Sweep me away from you
Even stronger than you think

Taste
Only bood from my lips

This
Heat is; too much for me to bare
Extremes are far too much for me to take

Fakers could not fake
Initiative like yours...
Removing me from fate
Eventually catches up with you

Violence Overcomes

2011-01-01T01:58:00.000-09:00

Vehicles of destruction
In our own world
Of grandiose
Let them think what they want
Even when delusions
Never escape your mind
Couldn't justice be quick enough?
Even hope leaves you dangling

On occasion you think you need
Verification of your own
Existence
Reaching out got you nowhere
Calling out got you nowhere
One only should have to scream so loud
My people are screaming
Everyone is screaming for some
Sort of saviour

I Want To Run Away

2011-01-01T01:49:00.000-09:00

I expected as much from you

Women are not mere toys
And nothing you can think of can make us even
Negotiate with neanderthals
Tonight might be a night of reckoning

Those women didn't fight for
Our rights for no reason

Relatively speaking
Ultimately you are
Nearer than the borders allow

Away I should go and eventually I do
Wouldn't permanency be easier?
A way to justify my presence
You understand that it could be easier...

Expectations

2011-01-01T01:38:00.000-09:00

Walking
In ocean sized puddles
Been mild as of late
Water
Made to get into your boots
As though socks were
Magnetic
Only attracting water
Gravity affecting the weak
Gravity affecting the drunk
I know how easy it would have been
To say yes
To give in
Yet my gut said no
I have to decide with my gut
Or decide with my heart
Switching
From patches
Of puddles
To patches of cement
Ice on the slide
Across the parking lot
I just cannot
Give into their desires
Give into their expectations

Barbed Wire Grip

2010-12-29T20:46:00.000-09:00

Bade them all farewell
And arrived
Ready as anything
Before this great conquest
Evening to end in
Deadly disaster

Wrung by the necks
Intruder; murderer!
Renounce your own name
Ever a killer in jail

Gone from this life
Resting
In
Peace; so heavenly

Only pure HELL
For the taker of life

Deal with your maker
Earthly as you think you are
And some men come from
The depths of
Hell

Like A Lover

2010-12-29T20:33:00.000-09:00

Loyalty
Is such a strong word
Virility
Even stronger a word

Lucky that I have the option
I'd rather have you all to myself
Kill me with kindness
Ever the cold reality

Arbitrary affection

Lost as soon as you walk
On out that door
Voraciousness
Enveloped in
Regret

Thief Of Hearts

2010-12-29T20:23:00.000-09:00

There was a time
He thought of love
In years gone by
Eventually gave up
For the loneliness was easier to bare

Only it isn't fair
For the thoughts of long, soft hair

Helped him fall asleep
Even waking up
Alone
Rarely stimulated
This man's desire to
See who; is out there

Trying to Remember

2010-12-29T20:17:00.000-09:00

The memories escape my mind
Rewind; isn't sufficient
Yesterday was hard enough to recall
In every tiny detail
Never ever
Going to forget this night

This night that I waited for
Only each day, I prayed for

Recounting all the doubts
Every time I said it'd never happen
Marriage is only a dream
Every time I thought
My day would never come
Because my pain is too great for
Even myself to bare
Rotten thing to have to share

The More I Look For...

2010-12-29T20:11:00.000-09:00

Is it right to say
That the more I look for
The less I want?
Even when I might need
A little more attention
In my direction
Often too much attention
Makes me
Wish I could be
Stranded at sea
I'm the kind of girl
Who doesn't care
About how much money
A man makes in a week
I just want him to
Make my knees go weak
Make it hard to speak
Make it hard to catch my breath
Make me blush
Make me rush
To get ready
Because I don't want to
Keep him
Waiting
Yet I'm waiting
Just to
Meet him

In the Cold

2010-12-29T00:31:00.000-09:00

Goodness only knows
What the next year might bring
I'm not expecting bells to ring
I'm only happy if the birds sing
As they fly from my hand
Leave me where I stand
In the cold
On a winter's day
The thought of the warmth
Of a hug or a couple of drinks
I don't care what anyone thinks
I can pour it down my throat
Or hide it in my coat
Every chance they get they float
Around; pouring out drinks
You're not allowed to drink in public
But so long as nobody sees...
Helps me swallow those miseries
Helps me sleep at night
When nothing else
Can help me sleep at night

If I Say No

2010-12-29T00:22:00.000-09:00

Would you even bat an eyelash for me
As much as shead a tear?
It's not about who gets the last beer
It's not all about constant cheer
Just to have someone near
Offering an ear
To hear
What I have to say
Someone who doesn't walk away
Someone who doesn't try
To make me feel guilty
For the way that I
Feel
For not giving into
Certain requests
If I say no
Then I mean no
I don't have to go
On a guilt trip
Over it
So get over it

Happy With Moon Beams

2010-12-27T01:00:00.000-09:00

A romantic lives within my heart
Will always be a part of me
Even though I think
That romance is mostly dead
If it only exists in my head
I would rather die in my sleep instead
Of dreaming dreams
With nobody to share my bed
With nobody to keep me warm at night
With nobody that I might
Kiss by candle light
And keep pillow talk light
Rather make love than fight
Even if it keeps us awake all night
Just me dreaming my dreams
As near impossible as it seems
To find someone who won't split at the seams
To find someone who won't be fooled with glitters and gleams
Who'd be happy with moon beams
Instead of reaching for stars
Instead of reaching for Mars
Who'd rather share choloate bars
Instead of driving fancy cars

More Often Than Not

2010-12-27T00:50:00.000-09:00

You make me wonder
Where you came from
I think it was
Out of the blue
Even though I wished for you
Even when none of my other
Wishes ever came true
I want to think it is karma
Something nice happening for me
For doing something nice for somebody
But that might be an improbability
Even though it is nice
If only to have
To think about
If it is the only thing I have
To think about
That makes me smile
More often than not

Getting Into Bed

2010-12-27T00:46:00.001-09:00

Listen to it
The voice inside your head
That makes you
Remember that you're not dead
Listen to it tell you
That you should follow through
With things that you have started
You can't leave the lonely broken hearted
You know that would be
Far too cruel
You've been broken hearted
You remember feeling
The same way
I've been feeling for years
There are not enough years
To convince myself that I want to try again
For all the ones who end up
In those cold, dark places
There should be enough
Tear stained faces
There shouldn't be any lonely soul
That still paces
Across the bedroom floor
Not wanting to get into bed
Alone; anymore

Find Out

2010-12-27T00:38:00.000-09:00

If I could tell you
All the things I've thought about
There would be no doubt
In your mind
That you might be the one
To find
Such a treasure
You could never even think
You could discover
I would uncover
Hidden pathways
To pleasure
In ways that never
Even crossed your mind
I look younger than I am
So that I can still resemble
Innocence
But I know that at some point
Innocence becomes nonsense
Jilted? Jaded?
Love seems over rated
That's why I can only tempt you
To find out
What kind of girl I really am
I'm waiting for you
To find out

To Dream Of

2010-12-27T00:30:00.000-09:00

I used to be interested
In having somebody
To settle down with
But that was years ago
The years will not slow
Into a manageble flow
I do not agree with the speed
At which life is now
I wish time could stop somehow
When we could go back
Through time
Undo a crime
Take back time
We used to have
That we cannot save
Cannot buy back
For all the money in the world
Even if I could have
All the money in the world
Would it be enough to buy
What I cannot buy?
What cannot be bought
In this world
Is love
Only enough to dream of

How Cruel

2010-12-27T00:24:00.000-09:00

Maybe I am angry
At the men who refuse to love me
Who deny they want me
Not that I cross the minds
Of all men
Nor do I want to cross the minds
Of all men
I know how cruel a man can be
When he was only holding on tentatively
Keep me waiting patiently
Until he grows the guts to tell me
That I am not the right girl
Because I do not take risks
Because I wouldn't wear a short skirt
On the first date
With fishnet stocking
With black boots that reach thigh high
Because I wouldn't allow him to place his hands
Up my shirt
Because I don't plaster my face with makeup
Because I don't wear lipstick each day
Because I'm not as feminine as other girls
I failed to please him
So he finds a replacement
Such is life
Such is the dating world
Of which I want no part
I'd rather keep for myself
My healing heart

Love of a Coward

2010-12-27T00:15:00.000-09:00

It was the stimulation
I sought
It was a thought
Turned into reality
I could have hoped for eternity
It was the feeling of feeling alive
When was the last time
I felt alive?
When was the last time
I felt like a woman?
It is hard for me to say
When the last time was
That I felt that way
Because it was so fleeting
My heart was beating
For the wrong reasons
I was hoping that a coward
Would love me
He is a coward
For refusing to love me
How can you say
That bravery is dying for a country
When you can't even give your heart
To someone who'd never break your heart?

In the Package

2010-12-27T00:09:00.000-09:00

I had so much reserve
I was saving
Every inch of myself
All those surprises
That come in the package
Which is me
For somebody
Who might deserve
All those surprises
I've been saving
For somebody
Who could love me
Not just the way
He wanted to love me
Perhaps the way
I needed him to love me

Coldness Resurfacing

2010-12-23T22:52:00.000-09:00

Been the one for boldness
Been one to show the depth coldness
Maybe that's what I held back all those years
The memories resurfacing
Rewind replay
If I did not say
What I felt I had to say
Someone else
Would have said
What had to be said
I which someone would say
What still needs to be said
Was I supposed to deny
My own feelings
After my feelings were denied
By someone else?
I cannot allow myself to have those feelings
Because that part of me has died

Never That Low

2010-12-23T22:39:00.000-09:00

Even when I wanted to run
Straight for the hills
I stayed here
Taking my pills
Pretending there are birds
Sitting on all the window sills
Whatever it took
To pay the bills
Even when I was up to the gills
They offered me money
I refused
I'd rather not have to
Sink so low
I've sunken low
Never that low
I'd rather be below
That line
They use to define
The rich from the poor
A good girl
From a whore
They never ask you at the store
"Where do you get the money?"
Don't look at me funny
I don't need to sell it, honey

My Own Rose

2010-12-23T22:32:00.000-09:00

Don't forget
That I'm not like other girls
That I'm not looking
To get into any trouble
Even when trouble
Finds me
Because it does
Especially
When I expect it
The least
Out comes the beast
Off leash
Don't forget
That I can take no for an answer
Not like I've never been refused
Not like I'm confused
I'd rather be the one
Giving no as an answer
Than having my heart abused
Than continuing to be short fused
Than being the one who isn't chosen
Because I chose
To be my own rose

Lipstick Kisses

2010-12-20T21:32:00.000-09:00

Lips alone define the word lushious
Indiscreetly
Pout
Say those words
That hang
In the air
Cola girl
Keep coming back to them

Keep coming back to those lips
I am
So sure it's
Something
Easy as
Stealing kisses

Dreams That Live So Long

2010-12-20T21:21:00.000-09:00

Don't ever stop dreaming
Relive that dream
Every now
And again
Magic castles in the air
Seldom applied to life

Take all that I
Have
All
That you want

Life without music could drive me
Insane
Vividly
Engulphed by insanity

Soft
Only soothing

Listening to it
On
Nights
Going terribly wrong

Thrice Bitten

2010-12-20T21:02:00.000-09:00

The testing of temptation
Hears your heart beat
Right through your chest
Inches from your veins
Coming close to cutting off circulation
Embedded in your throat

Barely keep afloat
In pools of your own blood
Tighten
The tourniquet
Enough pressure is
Needed

Sweetest of Dreams

2010-12-19T22:37:00.000-09:00

Sleep beckons to you
We stay awake
Ending our days
Earlier than most people
Take a step out of bed
Earlier than
Steeping of
Ten o'clock tea

On mornings when
First daylight breaks

Deeper into the
Realm of
Endless possibilities
Amidst subconciousness
May you sleep
So peacefully; so soundly

Thinking of You

2010-12-19T22:30:00.000-09:00

Time is all we have
Healer of many wounds
Invested interest
Never knowing
Kindness like this
In a few sentences
Never knowing
Golden pathways

Or knowing
Fragrance that follows

You; everywhere
Only wisdom
Unheard of

My Own Reality

2010-12-19T21:41:00.000-09:00

I read that line
So many times
Over and over
Looking for some meaning
That I haven't seen
Reading between the lines
Am I really that damaged?
Just a product of my
Own insanity
Just a product of my
Own reality
The times I wished I was
Something other than I am
But what can I be
If I am not me?
I cannot sprout wings
And just fly
Into the arms of a guy
Who might want me
For who I am

Save or Surrender

2010-12-19T21:35:00.000-09:00

Sleepless nights
And restlessness
Variations in between
Even dreaming with my eyes open

Over stretched
Reaching for

Something I cannot grasp
Underneath me
Reaching for
Reason
Eventually convincing myself
Needs are like
Desires
Everyone is
Reaching

All Those Times

2010-12-19T21:18:00.000-09:00

All those times
Listening to your stories
Laughing at your jokes

The days I remember fondly
How we used to be
On the inside looking outwards
Seeing only what we wanted to see
Even if it was staring us in the face

Then I messed it up
I often do that
My wanting what I cannot have
Even when I
Should have walked away

Sunshine and Starlight

2010-12-19T21:12:00.000-09:00

Summer days
Undone in the blink of an eye
Not yet
Sure of what may be next
Hopeful for the heat
Intimacy
Nearest the heart
Even with evening looming

Autumn on the rise
Needless
Doubtless

Stars lighting up your eyes
Taking my breath away
As well as any words
Representing how I feel
Light on your lips
Ignition
Gasoline on the fire
Hearts don't melt together
The way ours do

Placing Bets

2010-12-13T14:13:00.000-09:00

Tiresome is what you get
When you're not finished
Running on empty yet
You place your bet
When you think you will win
They take it from you with a grin
While you still wish you had gin
In your cup
Won't be enough to fill you up
Always going to be that void
But you can't fill it
Not with drugs
Not with booze
Not with sex
Or anything else you choose
Who is going to loose?
You know it's you
It can't happen enough times
For it to sink into
Your head
But you still place your bet instead
Of keeping it all
For yourself
Nobody deserves it more than you

I Cried

2010-12-13T07:15:00.000-09:00

I cried last night
For the first time
In a very long time
Because it could be the right time
That you've come into my life
But at the same time
I'm not sure how ready I am
To be who you want me to be
I keep thinking about the eternity
In the chasm of distance
Between us
It hardly seems fair
To tease each other
As much as we tease each other
I know you will be here soon
But it's hardly long enough
I know I'm going to hate the emptiness
That I will feel when you're gone

Lingering Thoughts

2010-12-13T07:10:00.000-09:00

Lingering thoughts
Sometimes overwhelm me
I can't even seem to
Close my eyes
Without seeing you
In my mind
I cannot sleep
Unless I pretend
That you're laying next to me
That you're wrapping your arms around me
Even though you are not even here
It helps me to pretend
Until I reach the day's end
Where I can rest with
My thoughts of you
And perhaps
My thoughts of the future
That I want to have
With you

Your Warmth

2010-12-10T23:19:00.000-09:00

I'll cover your bare chest
With my bare chest
And we can rest
In the heat
Of each other's bodies
I could fall asleep
Being your blanket
Your warmth
Gives me warmth
The warmth
I've been seeking
Spending cold nights alone
Makes it colder
Laying here without you
So I must soldier
On and on
Living only
For the thought of
Your warmth

Destruction of an Empire

2010-12-10T23:10:00.000-09:00

Carve it out of your cavity
The pain is nothing
Compared to the hurt
Deep down
You drown
In oceans of guilt
Rome wasn't built
In a day
That's what they say
Could have taken
A thousand years
It could have broken
In a million tears
It could have spoken
Of a billion fears
All would have fallen
On deaf ears
Goes to show
You just don't know
In which direction
The wind will blow
Which rule will slow
Into the destruction
Of an empire

Despite the Lies

2010-12-07T22:33:00.000-09:00

Despite the lies I tell myself
I know the truth
Will always haunt me
Like unsolved murders
I lay awake thinking
About victims' lives being
Cut way too short
Torn away from them
Stolen in the night
Or in some cases
In broad daylight
It bothers me
That in society
We have to fight
For our right
Just to live
Justice will never give
Loved ones back
Justice will never take
Heartache back
Justice always takes more than it brings
Because it is one of the most imperfect things

Igneous Ingredients

2010-12-07T22:26:00.000-09:00

Ingest your igneous ingredients
Lava flows from your lips
Lightning lifts you
As radiant as you
Already are
Spreading from your fingertips
Electricity at your demand
Heat from the palm of your hand
Yet you cannot take back the land
Taken by those who
Want everything
Can't stand not to
Have anything
Been talking about
How people take freedom
For granted
They don't think about
Not getting shot at
Not getting blown up
None of them have grown up
In a place
That just being
In the wrong place
At the wrong time
Can get you shot at
Can get you blown up

No Patience

2010-12-06T07:11:00.000-09:00

I'm tired
I don't want to be bothered
By other people's stupidity
Lack of morality
Lack of sanity
I lack too much for myself
Of myself
I can't focus on things
That make no sense
It makes my head hurt
Even more
Than it already does
Just because
Some idiots
Have nothing better to do
Than try to mess with me
I have no patience for that
Honestly

A Thousand Times

2010-12-06T07:06:00.000-09:00

Take it
Like you mean it
Like you don't want to give it back
Maybe I'll give it to you
Just so that you
Can remember
What it's like
To feel
As though this is real
Only a thought in your head
Just like the words I've said
Capturing images
Just so that you
Can imagine
What it's like
Because I've imagined
What it's like
More than a thousand times
There aren't enough dimes
In this world
To make a guy pay
Attention to me

Turbo Jet

2010-12-06T06:59:00.000-09:00

Spin out
Burnt rubber never smelt like this
Back to the starting line
They only wave that flag for you
Speed
The only thing you need
To feel alive
In a world like today's
Straight ways
Fly aways
Racing towards better days
Heart beating as fast
As you can fly
You are the turbo jet
Nobody has beaten you
Quite yet

Imaginary Boundaries

2010-12-06T06:51:00.000-09:00

Escape my thoughts
Momentarily
Throw
What is right
Right out the window
Relapse
Into insanity
Pretend not to care
About the difference
Between right and wrong
To you, there is no difference
Between right and wrong
Not in this moment
When you think everyone
Is out to get you
When you think you
Don't have a choice
When you think you
Can outrun the consequences
Jump over fences
To get away
Yet there are no fences
Just imaginary boundaries

Conjure Bitter Hate

2010-11-29T23:55:00.000-09:00

Conjure up in your mind
Some reason to bitterly hate me
As though I poisoned your food
While spitting in your face...
Can't take seriously things said
Out of the heat of the moment
Things that don't happen every day
But you'd want it that way
Because you want to say
Anything that would land me
In hot water
With the ones who already judge me
Then judge me
Why should I lose sleep?
Why should I be the one
Plotting against everyone who goes out of their way
Just to make things harder
As if I haven't already
Dealt with things harder
Even if I haven't exactly dealt...
Even having dwelt
With things harder...
If you had things building up
And haven't gone completely
Out of your mind already
Means than you might
Just as well be
As strong as I try to be

Fading To Black

2010-11-29T23:48:00.001-09:00

Stagger forth unannounced
Vandals slashed your life line
Cut you to pieces out of the dark
Laughed as you walked home
Stood in the doorway as you arrived
Forcing you to back away
From your own home
Trying to convince them
That they had no right to be there
Your protests met with the same blank stare
That says there is nothing for which to care
You wanted the truth to be known?
Then why don't you lie to yourself again?
Pretend; that the beginning is the end
Fear downright deepening
The seriousness seeping in
Finally starting to click
Like the hammer being pulled back
And your whole world fading to black

Muffled Melody

2010-11-27T22:16:00.000-09:00

Hearts pouring out blood
Onto soil almost made of it
Softening the sand like water from the sea
All that is left of thee
A song as faded as a memory
A muffled melody
I still hear them crying out to me
Clinging to life so desperately
In all honesty
Nothing I could have done
Would have made any difference
Not even slightly
Daily and nightly
The rituals remained; rigidity
Any chance of maintaining sanity
Ever elusive as our dreamed escape
Even a bullet through the eye
Will tell you the same lie
That you'll never know
That you're alive
Until you die

Damned If You Do

2010-11-21T13:33:00.001-09:00

Maybe I'm caught
Between a rock
And a hard place
Too much effort
In finding my own space
Mascara smeared down my face
As though everything I've feared
Has me in its embrace
Eyes swollen
From beating myself up
Making myself cry
Never asking myself why
Never waking myself up
Breaking myself up
Instead of building myself up
To be stronger than ever before
I've always wanted
To persue
What I could never have
To rescue
What I could never save

Sweet Violin

2010-11-21T13:26:00.000-09:00

The sweet violin
Plays for no one
More deserving
Of momentary escape
Reminding of homes
That cannot be returned to
Of days possibly numbered
Reminding of nights
When they slumbered
In beds! Real beds!
Not on the forest floor
But even one more
Day to turn into night
Could bring the courage to fight
The sweet violin
Play for me
Your melancholy melody
If I ever live to be free
Promise to bury me
On the same land
On which I died
Closing my eyes
With the final thought
That sweet violin
Take my soul from within!

Inner Most

2010-11-21T13:21:00.000-09:00

You crave
Pieces of me
The way I crave
Pieces of you
I have to force myself
To stop gazing at you
From across the room
As though I'm giving you
A clue as to
What my inner most
Desires are
You're good at pretending
Not to know
What my inner most
Desires are

Hunger for Salvation

2010-11-21T13:17:00.000-09:00

The hunger for salvation
Never ends
Fighting for the very life
They clung to
Death is the release
From retreating
From the endless prayer
They hoped God would hear
Over the gunfire
They hoped God would collect
The souls of the innocent
The souls to be sent
To Heaven
From Hell on earth
You could not imagine
Sheer sacrifice
Beyond measure
It shows that the human spirit
Can truly endure
Just to be sure
That one cannot live
On faith; alone
One cannot live
Without faith

The News

2010-11-21T13:06:00.000-09:00

The news shocked me
To say the least
All I could think about
Was that I wanted to escape
I can't say
That I've ever gotten over it
The feeling
That I should have been able
To do something
To stop it
From happening
This changed me
Into being so scared
Into being unable
To fully trust
I had tried to be friends
With someone
Who tried to kill someone
Not knowing
That murder was his intent
Even when pushed
Over the edge
It scares me
To think
That someone
Would go to
That extent

Out of Love

2010-11-15T21:25:00.000-09:00

I don't want to believe in love
Not the kind I used to dream of
It doesn't mean
As much to me
As it used to mean
It would be the very tide
That takes me out to sea
From where I would not return
'Lost at sea'
Is what they'd say of me
I think I'd rather be stranded
Rather than being landed
In hot water again
Skin melting off my bones
Crushing me into dust with stones
I'm not fifty feet tall
Nor am I two inches tall
Even if I felt much too small
Smaller than I can recall
But that's not the point at all
I'm not afraid to fall
In love
I'm afraid to fall
Out of love

My Father

2010-11-15T21:16:00.000-09:00

Sometimes I wish I could talk to you
Just to tell you
All the shit I had to go through
Because you weren't there for me
Even when you were alive
I remember the first time I saw you
When I was introduced to you
As my father
I remember being confused
Not knowing what to ask you
When you told me I could ask you
Anything
I wanted to know
Who gave me my name
If only I could have thought of
Something
Better to ask you
Back then
But I didn't know
That one day you would go
Beyond the reach of reason
Nobody could have talked you out of it
Even if I was standing right there
I think you would have done it anyway
Even if you could have saved me
If I could have saved you
From going through
With it