That's All It Is

It's not what I thought. But I'm okay, now.
I'm strong enough to make it through somehow.
It's okay to feel this way.
But I don't have to hold onto it so tightly
that it squeezes my heart dry, nightly.
But I know now what I didn't know then.
That's something to take away from this.
What else is there to take away from this?
Something I wanted to feel?
That I let myself feel?
That I knew was for real?
Not enough to seal the deal.
Not enough to want to try.
Not enough to cry, anymore.
All it that it is... A stain of pain.
Just pounding my brain. That's all it is.

I wish I could explain it in a way that makes sense.
I wish I could put it in a different context.
So that I could see it in another way.
Because this wasn't meant to be this way.
It could have been different.
If we were at different places and times in our lives.
If we both wanted it, were ready for it.
Things could have been much different.

I can't explain why it happened the way it did.
Other than it was supposed to.