Would It Even Matter?

Why would it matter? It 
Only mattered to me!!!!
Undervalued as I was... Too
Late to 
Decide you want to be with me.

I was right there!
The whole time! Waiting for

Everything! Even the
Very little you couldn't 
Even be bothered with. Until I was
Not there anymore. Until I let you

Make your bed 
And lie in it. 
To tell me what? Should have
Told me when you had the chance to,
Eh? You think I'd
Really want to hear it, now?

All The Poems I Wrote

All the poems I wrote, 
Looking back at the
Love I had...

Openly, honestly.... I 
Feel like I cheated myself 

Time and time again. With false
Hope. How could anyone
Ever understand? I 

Poured my heart 
Out
Endlessly...
Meaninglessly...
Something 

I really don't feel like ever doing, again. Maybe 

When it feels 
Right, but how can I trust myself when I
Opened up to someone I
Trusted... Only to be
Estranged as though I never knew you.

I Walked Through Those Days

I can't really remember, even if I  

Wanted to just pick a memory
At will, it's all
Lost to time. When I was a
Kid, that's all that I was. 
Everything seemed to matter. Even things that
Didn't. 

Those lose dreams of
Having something so
Real that we couldn't pretend anymore. 
One real, truly, honest thing. 
Unfolding, just for us. But nobody said it was
Going to be easy. Like an effortlessly warm
Hug. It'd just have been

Too easy. It'd be like those days in
High school when a simple crush became an
Obsession. Always
So out of reach. And the feeling that nobody would
Ever know me. The 

Days you seemed to be nice to me. I didn't know it was
All some joke to
You all. 
Sometimes I wish I had stayed there, or gone so far that I'd be here, already.

From Here To There

Fragrance
Reminding you
Of 
Mornings, memories of

Home.
Earliest memories.
Remembering when
Everything used

To be so
Open and full of risks

To take for the taking. 
Home where 
Everything is as you
Remembered.
Exactly as you remembered.

In My Future Hopes And Dreams

In my mind I'm already
Next to you. In my 

Mind I am already in 
Your orbit

Face to face.
Undeniably
Touched.
Undeniably
Reached.
Each hour I had

Hoped 
Only to almost
Pass on any hope at all that you
Exist outside of
Sultry dream where I

Awake and still sense you
Next to me as though out of my
Dreams, out of my wildest 

Dreams as though you've been
Ready for our
Earliest convenience.
Admist
Mornings of
Sun risen glory

The Very Least You Could Have Done

Time, that I can never
Have back but
Eventually, I'll have to find a way to forgive myself.

Very 
Early on I should have seen it, but I
Really wanted what I thought I could have had. 
Years of being made to feel 

LESS THAN. 
EASILY DISMISSED
AS THOUGH I DON'T MATTER. OR 
SOMEDAY, BUT NEVER
TODAY.

You left me waiting like an
Option
Until I left you like a 

Choice because it was either that
Or I'd keep being treated the way you treated me
Until I got tired of it. Until I decided to
Leave the situation and leave you to your
Devices, to what you wanted to

Have, instead of what we could have had.
All the attention you could have ever wanted. 
Vanity and validity, as though
Everything and everyone else matters and I

Don't. The
One who actually wanted to be with you. Who you
Never had to be anything else, false, not for my
Entertainment or otherwise.

Maturity Required

Maybe it wasn't clear, but I thought it was.
All that I wanted was not
Too much to ask for.
Unrealistic to think you'd change?
Risk the person you thought you were
Intercept from the inner
To the outside, but when were 
You ever going to listen to me?

Respect me?
Even in my own home?
Question yourself. Your
Untamed selfishness when
I have FEELINGS TOO.
Remember where you came from.
Exactly where I came from
Don't you forget that.

The Things I Have Had To Let Go

Time and time I wanted to follow my
Heart. Where did it lead me?
Every time?

To places where I only ran from the
Hurt, why would 
I want a cycle like this?
Nothing 
Gained from 
So much spent, 

Invested. 

Hurt for strength? The strength to walk
Away? It's the 
Very audacity that says
Everything I ever needed to know. 

Had known, 
And had I not been in such
Denial... I could have 

Taken another path. Any
Other path... One that could have

Lead somewhere. But
Even when I'm not expecting anything in return...
They just stayed until I had nothing left to

Give, to 
Offer. Except to myself. I owe myself.