Father's Daughter

I could not get drunk last night
I wanted to get drunk last night
But I still made it through the night
I can feel a little bit of release
Now that a new month has begun
I no longer have to run
From problems that will not release
Me; From helplessly
Floundering
Like a fish out of water
The hardest part really is
That I'm still your daughter
And I cannot ask you
How you met my mother
Or any other
Question I have had for you
If only you knew
What I've had to go through
What I've had to live through
Without you
For the majority of my life
For more than half my life
Because you were never there
Never REALLY there
Throughout my life
And now you will never be a part
Of my son's life
Your own grandson's life
And I'm done thinking
That it's always been my fault
Because how can I feel guilty
For losing someone
Who never knew me?
Someone I never knew
Someone I can never know?
Yet always meant so much to me?