It Kills Me

I wish it were that simple
An honest hello
After years...
The last time I saw you
I was ten years old
My son is nearly that age
The age I first thought about it
Thinking that nobody would miss me
Thinking that nobody loved me
Thinking that because they hurt me
That I didn't want to be here anymore
I know how it would affect
The people in my life
One of the only reasons
I'm still here
Not out of fear
Of leaving this place forever
But because I could never
Leave my son
The way my father left me
Wondering what it'd be like to be free
Even symbolically
Even spiritually
They call it a sin
To hurt so bad from within
That nothing else makes sense
Even at the time
That you have your life in your hands
It's more than just leaving
More than an escape
If I could just tape
My photograph to your front door
So that you could just see me
See that there is still someone out there who
Has waited almost twenty years to see you
Then I wouldn't have to think of you
Because it kills me
To think of you
And what you put me through